CLAIRE DELENN VONROESCHLAUB
Rated G
Copyright 2000 our family.

  • Claire Delenn - The woman of the hour. She comes by her part naturally.
  • Diana - Claire's mother and keeper extrodinaire. She won't be getting sleep for a while.
  • Kurt - The proud father. Spends most of his time in a stunned daze, it's pretty obvious he hasn't done this before.
  • Chesta Bandfield - Grandmother, and lifesaver. Probably spends more time at Claire's parent's apartment than her own.
  • Priscilla - Another grandmother, family obligations kept her from spending much time with Claire, but she will be making up for it soon enough.
  • Kurt Sr. - The grandfather. Turns into a babbling idiot whenever he's holding Claire.
  • Rachel - The aunt who works tirelessly to enjoy playing with Claire while avoiding actually changing a diaper.
  • Dr. Rueda - Claire's pediatrician. Spends most of her time saying "No, that's normal." to Claire's parents.
  • Various assorted well-wishers - They drop by and shower Claire with gifts.



    • We start with the unexpected arrival of Claire four days early. Not a major disaster, but a bit of an adventure. While mom stays in the hospital with her, dad does the wander about aimlesly schtick with occasional bouts of productivity. In the middle of this dad goes back to the office for a few hours to fix problems he left at work. Meanwhile mom makes the mistake of politely asking her roommate not to keep a screaming three year old around until midnight.

    After four days and a dozen visitors Claire is ready to go home. She seems ready for it, but foolishly dad breaks the carseat before they so much as get out the door of the hospital and helf an hour is wasted fixing it. Once home mom has time for a short nap before the whole visiting thing starts up again.

    The first night passes well, with Chesta playing the point-man. The parents ordered in Chinese which was a lot better than cooking, but poor Claire got nothing but formula.

    After tha things started picking up. Almost everything that was going to end up in Claire's grip was boiled or washed. With all the laundry being washed, and 100° weather dad had to run out an buy another air conditioner.

    Well, it doesn't take long for a routine to develop, and only occasional events interrupt the pattern. Kurt's birthday occurs at the one week mark, and shortly afterwards Claire decides to wow everyone by an amazing exhibition of dexterity involving a chain of plastic fish.

    In the end, a mere two weeks after it starts, Kurt is forced to go back to work. Meanwhile mom must make the best of her days while he's gone.

  • Babies have to learn how to scream, but they do it very quickly.
  • Boiling plastic toys is not nearly as fun as it sounds.
  • When changing diapers, make sure you have a second ready for deployment before removing the original.
  • It is completely reasonable to expect an eight and a half pound object to contain twelve pounds of poop.
  • New parents spend a great deal of time talking about poop.
  • Babies eat. Often. And in mass quantities.
  • No matter how many books say babies need to be swaddled and kept in a bassinet, don't believe the books.


  • 1 min - Are they supposed to be that purple?
  • 1 hr - What good is an emotional family moment if you don't repeat it for the camera.
  • 4 hrs - Boy, it sure takes a long time to warm up a baby.
  • 6 hrs - There she is, and now that we've seen the baby lets go to lunch.
  • 1 day - You haven't slept in 38 hours and you're updating a website? You yutz.
  • 4 days - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A CARSEAT
  • 5 days - Gee, don't you think you should get a light for the nursery?
  • 7 days - Nice party, but don't you think you should get a light for the nursery?
  • 7.5 days - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A PLASTIC FISH
  • 8 days - The doctor says those noises are normal. Good thing you only panicked.
  • 9 days - Don't you think you should get a light for . . . oh, you did.


    • Audio clips in wav formatStarving actors speak out

    FileSizeDialog
    claire1.wav 112k The Claire song (now you know why I don't sing).
    claire2.wav 113k Claire sighing as she is burped.


    Click for a larger imageScreenshots from the movie

    24k 38k
    25k 35k

    Watch a sceneMPEG video files

    Fussy Baby Yank that chain!
    2.6m 1.5m


    Leave a commentBuy the movie

    Leave your own!

    		The Internet Movie Database


    It's not a rip-off, it's an homage:
    B-Movies